My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God;
Some weeks are just like that. Full of tears. As far as weeks go, I have had one for the record books. As I pause today and reflect on what has all transpired in a week, I am stirred by the agony of what people without faith must go through. I honestly can’t imagine going through life without the knowledge that in ALL things, my God loves and cares for me.
I’m not at a point where I’m ready to go into details in a public forum, but I will just ask for prayers for me and my family. We’ve been under attack in major ways in the last week. An unexpected predator to our marriage, continuing financial stressors due to circumstances beyond our control, and then…. other attacks on our family that are beyond speakable at this point.
I consider myself a pretty strong woman emotionally. This week was a breaking point for me. By Thursday night I was done. finished, beyond words, but FULL of tears. As I cried out, I was blessed to be able to be transparent with some of my close intercessors. And after an e-mail that said, please pray and leave me alone (For those of you that know me, for me to ask NOT to talk is incredibly rare), I laid and I cried out to my Daddy in heaven. I cried more tears than I remember crying for a long time.
Life has a way of making sure we know that “we” are not in control. I cleary see the work of the enemy in so many ways this past week. And yet….
My God, My Daddy, he shows up in such big ways. Everything isn’t fixed. Everything isn’t better. Horrendous things still happened. But…., He cares enough for me to not just speak to me in the quiet of my home. He has stranger speak to me. Not just in what some might call “coincidental” ways, but in purposeful, I’ve got a word for you ways. Wow…. I’m so blessed.
You see, God saw my tears. He didn’t cause them, but he cried them with me. And… I can feel him using them for good. Today at church when I was listening to a sermon on missions and considering what my family had traveled through recently, he spoke to my inner being. And he began to show me how he can use this all for good. I caught glimpses of his heart when I needed them the most. I felt his love in a way that I had never experienced before. In such a tangible way, that I can’t help but be humbled and yet wanting to draw even nearer to him.
I’m still processing so much. But… hope has returned. I’m still crying tears, but my perspective has changed.
My sweet sister in Christ Lysa TerKeurst spoke this at the Compel Conference, and this week it was words that got me through… “Satan, you shall not pass…” Little did I know when she spoke them that they would be written on my heart and speak to me in a time when my “reasoning” wasn’t working.
Satan, you can play with me, but My GOD is THE GOD. He will have his way and he will protect me. YOU shall not pass…