jensandbulte.com

Sometimes, we buy into the lie that we have to have it all together.  We worry that if people saw our tears, they would think less of us.  We think that the only way we can minister is if we have it all together.  (Or at least mostly together!)  Somehow we associate the title Christian with striving for perfection, and become our own worst critics when we fall short.  Why, oh sisters do we do this to ourselves?

I’ve always written from my heart, and I’ve always wanted to be real.  My last post was over 2 months ago.  I quit for a while.  I just hit a wall, and was struggling in life, and couldn’t find the words.  But they are coming again.  Slowly, but surely, they are coming.

Today, my heart is stuck at just be real.  So, here’s real in my life.  I’m not ok.  There’s a list of reasons I could pour out, but at the end of the day, between life and grief, I have found myself struggling in a way I haven’t known before.  And as I’ve processed that, I’ve realized, it’s ok.  It’s ok to not be ok.  It’s ok to not be superwoman and be so “strong” that nothing seems to touch you.  After all, who wants to live like that?

As I’ve realized that I’m not ok, I consciously decided to take a break.  I sought help and got some medicine to help with the sadness that was overcoming me.  I’ve cried, alot.  And I’ve prayed – possibly not as much as I should have, but I’ve prayed.  And I can feel Jesus healing me.  Not the instant – get up and walk type of healing, but the gradual type.  Each day seems to bring a bit more healing, and joy.

As I emerge from this fog I’ve been in, I can’t help but think that Jesus will use it to help others.  However, the only way that can happen is if I’m “real.”

I don’t know where you are today.  I don’t know what you’re going through, or how you are doing at holding it together.  But I do know this.  You’re going to be ok if you admit you’re not ok.  I can’t promise how your friends will react, but I can promise this – Right here is a safe place.  A place to not be ok, and to be real.  And together, with our messy lives, we’ll walk this faith walk together.  No perfect lives.  No perfect answers.  Just a will to love one another in the midst of whatever life hands us.  Just Christian girlfriends who realize that it’s ok to not be ok!

So go ahead – you have permission.  It’s ok to not be ok.  As I continue to work on me, I’d still love to pray for you.  How can I pray?